did you read our article about it?)<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\nNow, before you go accusing me of sexism or stereotyping, I\u2019d just like to point out that there\u2019s a reason this happens. As a sleep consultant, I don\u2019t get called into situations where both parents are contributing equally, and where baby\u2019s not relying on any external props, and everyone sleeps soundly through the night. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Anyone who calls a sleep consultant in that situation either has money to burn, or has mistaken me for a dream interpreter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m usually contacted by parents who are having issues getting their babies to sleep, and that\u2019s almost always because baby\u2019s got an external sleep prop that they use to get back to sleep when they wake in the night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And the most common prop I see, by far, <\/em>is nursing, which pretty much leaves Dad out of the equation. Now, this is a problem for a couple of reasons. Obviously, if baby\u2019s waking up six times a night and demanding Mom come in to nurse her back to sleep, that\u2019s taxing on mother and baby.<\/p>\n\n\n\nBut there\u2019s another person who tends to suffer in this scenario, and that\u2019s Dad. It might be hard to imagine, if you\u2019re currently reading this in the middle of the night with a baby hanging off your breast, listening to your husband snoring contentedly from the other room, but it\u2019s true.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dads, the vast majority of them anyway, want to be great dads. They want to have an active role in bringing up their kids, and they love it when they feel like they\u2019re succeeding in that role.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But because Mom is the one with the magical breast milk, Dad often feels powerless to help out in the sleep department, which means Mom\u2019s up every time baby cries, and Dad, while sympathetic, can\u2019t do much but go back to sleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This can lead to some hostility from a sleep deprived Mom, who feels like she\u2019s doing more than her share, and some defensiveness from Dad, who gets to feeling attacked for something he has no control over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But here\u2019s the good news for both of you\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you\u2019ve decided to give sleep training a try, it often goes better if Dad takes the lead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That\u2019s right! Take a load off, Mom. Dad\u2019s taking point on this one. Because Dad doesn\u2019t nurse, and baby knows it. So when it comes to breaking the association between nursing and falling asleep, baby tends to learn quicker and respond better when Dad comes into the room during the first few nights of baby learning to fall asleep independently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here\u2019s the funny thing. Whenever I rop this little tidbit on couple I\u2019m working with, Mom lets out a big woot-woot and teases Dad about how he\u2019s much fun he\u2019s going to have getting up six times in the night. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But then, night one, as soon as baby starts to cry, Mom shoots out of bed and goes straight into baby\u2019s room. Or even more regularly, Mom stands in the doorway instructing Dad on the right way to settle Baby back down, and corrects him every step of the way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have literally sent full-grown women to their rooms in this scenario. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If Dad\u2019s going to get involved, him and Baby have to find their own rhythm, and Mom needs to have little to no part in it. And as much as they always say they\u2019ll have no problem letting their husbands take the wheel, when it comes down to the moment of truth, many women have trouble giving up control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So remember, Dad might just be the magical solution to your baby\u2019s sleep issues, but you\u2019re going to have to let him take over. Take heart though. Most of my clients see dramatic improvements in their baby\u2019s sleep in just a couple of nights, so you won\u2019t have to control yourself for long.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After that, you and and your partner will have the evenings back to yourselves, and your whole family can get back to sleeping through the night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n