When a child is born, one of the most important changes that parents have to face concerns sleeping. A newborn wakes up often during the night, must be cared for and could take a long time falling asleep again. Parents’ sleep is often interrupted, they might become increasingly tired and the temptation of putting the baby to sleep in their bed is very strong. When we give birth, we are told that contact with our baby is very important and we informed that co-sleeping can prevent SIDS: however, sleeping together in the parents’ bed and practicing co-sleeping are two different things. In this article I will help you better understand what they are and what the difference is.
Sommario
Sleeping in the parents’ bed: bed-sharing
Sleeping with your children in your bed is the so-called bed-sharing. Bed-sharing can be a risky habit and should be avoided, especially in the first 6 months of your child’s life. Putting a newborn to sleep in your bed might expose them to the following risks:
- falling
- choking
- being crushed
- SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome)
If you are breast-feeding at night, you probably breastfeed in your bed and might have fallen asleep many times? When a child is sick, who hasn’t taken them to sleep in the parents’ bed? Situations like this can happen to all of us, but I invite you to consider them as rare exceptions, not a daily habit. This way you will be more aware of the risks and careful. Even the new guidelines for SIDS prevention indicate that parents of a newborn are often unable to do anything if not sleeping with the baby in their arms or in their bed, but as this is not the safest way, it is important to be aware of it. Just as it is important to respect all other indications for SIDS prevention, so as to minimise the risk.
Co-sleeping doesn’t mean sleeping in the parents’ bed
Co-sleeping is different from bed-sharing. Co-sleeping means sleeping in proximity to your child and is a strongly suggested practice in the first 6 months of their life, and even up to 12 months, precisely to prevent the most common risks, such as suffocating and SIDS.
The ideal place for a newborn to sleep in is a co-sleeping crib. This is a little cot to be placed next to the parents’ bed, with a side bar that can be “eliminated” when necessary. This is a particularly convenient solution to allow feedings without having to get up and it allows mother and baby to be safely next to each other, without sleeping together in the big bed. When children grow, the cot can be replaced by a crib or a packandplay bed.
What if a newborn sleeps only in the parents’ bed?
There are situations in which newborns sleep only in the parents’ bed and find it hard to be far from their parents, especially the mother. They cry if put in their crib or cot and calm down only when picked up and put in bed with them. What can we do in these cases? In similar situations, tiredness easily takes over and, night after night, letting the baby sleep with us in our bed becomes the norm. Some newborns might find it hard to fall asleep, if not in our arms, because we keep them awake too long and then they are too tired. My suggestion are to try and use an appropriate awake window (which is about 45/60 minutes long), use a swaddle and a white noise machine, and then stay close to them and encourage them to self-soothe or soothe semi-independently, with a light touch or the sound of your voice. Getting a child used to sleeping independently requires patience, perseverance and trust.
What if a child sleeps only in the parents’ bed?
Diversa è la questione con un bambino che vuole dormire solo nel lettone. In questo caso bisogna farsi un po’ di domande. Quanti anni ha il bambino? Come mai vuole dormire soltanto con mamma e papà? Perché prima non lo chiedeva e adesso sì?
The situation is different when a child sleeps only in the parents’ bed. In this case, some questions must be posed. How old is the child? Why will they sleep only with mum and dad? Are they asking for it now but weren’t before? When children grow, their ability and desire to be independent from mum and dad also grows with them. For example, if a child around 5 years of age doesn’t yet sleep alone, maybe they haven’t been put in the best conditions to do so. If, instead, a child used to sleep alone and now wants to sleep with the parents, maybe they are going through a delicate moment, and it is worth trying to understand what it might be about.
Sleeping or not sleeping in the parents’ bed? Is it right or wrong?
You won’t find a definitive answer to these questions because there is a lot of confusion on the topic of sleeping together in the big bed (for example the confusion between bed-sharing and co-sleeping) and it is a divisive topic, on which there are completely opposite opinions.
From my point of view, I don’t see anything wrong in allowing older children to sleep in their parents’ bed, occasionally and in exceptional situations and children should be aware of it being a special occasion.
In terms of safety, however, we should do our best to allow newborns and infants to sleep independently in their own cribs and as parents we can help them do so.
